Dear Future Agent:
Here's my book, I hope you like it. I know I should give you a hook, show who the MC is, and tell you the conflict and stakes, but I hate it when someone suggests a book and then tells me the entire story. It was like when I went to see Titanic with my bestie and she told me it sunk. I mean, who does that?
Anyway, my book basically has vampires/werewolves/zombies/fairies/angels and super-hot demons who all live in a post-apocalyptic world. There's this one teenage girl, who's human, and all the characters are, like, in love with her. Then stuff happens. I won't ruin it, but it'll totally be a bestseller. The film rights will sell for millions. That Twilight wolf dude would be the hot love interest (but I know that Pettyfer guy will probably want to do it too, right?).
I've attached the manuscript, the adapted screenplay and audio book MP3. I also sent you a hard copy of each with the cover art. You'll know it's from me because I included a bag of gummy bears and the picture of me and my friend that day she fell in a lake and I laughed so hard I peed my pants. It was hil-a-rious!
So I'll call you later to have a chat about it, okay?
Check you later,
Future NYT Bestselling author.
P.S. I've already emailed Publishers Weekly about the deal. It's a pre-empt with a major publishing house in a multi-million dollar deal for a 15 book series.
P.P.S. My mum loves it!
20 comments:
I enjoyed your humorous post. Sadly, I am sure that agents do get letters that resemble this. Thanks for making me smile
Please send a full.
hahaha! "then stuff happens". Thanks for the laugh.
Hey where did you get my query from??? I don't remember saying you could use it!! ;) But wow, doesn't it shine?
I'm still cracking up at the Titanic line.
PK, you're so writing my query. You're like the queen of queries. :D
Too funny!
...i'd read that book
Ha! :) Love it, Lindsay. You're signed!
Oh... wait... I'm not an agent. Oh well.
haha, awesome query. I shall send a contract immediately.
Best. Query. EVER.
*offers contract*
So that's what I've been doing wrong with my queries...
Fantastic post. Loved it!
Ha, amusing!! A lot of writers make these mistakes! (well, that's why this is funny--we've all been there). :) Happy week and happy Easter!
If that works, I'm trying it next!
*snarf* You are too funny! :-)
heh heh heh! THX for the smiles :)
Dear Future NYT Bestselling Author,
The gummy bears melted on the manuscript and I can't read it. I like your style though, so I've enclosed a contract.
XOXO
Future Agent
You must have multiple offers at this point! An mp3 - some forward thinking there! Thanks for the laugh.
Oh my gosh this is the funniest thing I've read today. Thank you! And hey, I'd totally go see your movie. :)
This is hilarious!
So, when is your book about letters that shouldn't be sent coming out? Wonderful post.
Hello, fellow A-Z Challenger! Here's my latest entry. Come visit either of my blogs when you can and leave some comment love:
X is for Xylography http://bit.ly/mmHFKP
http://www.mainstreamsolarcooking.com
http://www.rockinchairreflections.com (A-Z)
Twitter: @SolarChief
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